Times were goin' boom and boom and bust

My little babies are all grown up!
Read all about the four hottest shots in my posse, hey willpower, in this week's SF Bay Guardian.
Refresh your memory by listening to the dirty scoundrel love ballad, "Hundredaire" that I posted way back before they were of cover girl status by clicking these magical words.

Fiona Apple's new album, Extraordinary Machine, produced largely by the wildly successful and geniunely brilliant Jon Brion (of Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and I ♥ Huckabees celebrity) is currently being held hostage by Sony. I know that this is way old news, but the more I listen to the tracks I have, the sadder I get. The suits think that there's no market for an Apple album right now, but if Brion's success of late proves anything, it's that Fiona Apple's style and songwriting is more relevant now than it's ever been. Click on the image below to listen to one of her exclusively available tracks (my favorite so far), "Used to Love" and visit www.freefiona.com for more information on how to get in on the campaign to FREE FIONA!

Give me a rap, so I can boogaloo

From now on, I'm going to update more, but ONLY WITH GOSSIP AND TIRADES. And that's final.

It isn't summer yet but everyone is getting sick and fighting and pulling their hair out over work or loans or school or skin rashes or staff infections or dislocated bones, it snowed a couple of times when I was in NYC, and that's just fucking gross.

Back on the West Coast, it seems to be getting nicer out. Just yesterday I paraded around wearing only a fur vest and some gold chains with shorts and my super fly cell phone that dies all the time.

So, if you want to be so so fly like my favorite shopkeep down on the (secret) and (secret) streets where all of the Aunt Linda blouses you could ever want are only $1, then listen to Junior Senior's new single. It's called "Itch U Can't Skratch", and it hearkens back to the simpler, stickier time when everyone wore nothing and rode slip n' slides on cityscape roofs and ate popsicles and got drunk at 3pm. A time of innocence, of vagary.

I don't have much else to say, except that they're my friends from Los Angeles, they're darling party boys, and my close friend Breastica once barfed and pee'd in Jeppe's bed while they were sleeping in it. If you want to hear more about this, tune into whatever the SFSU radio station is on noon this Wednesday, where SSS will be joining her in the studio via ME. I don't know what fucking station it is, whatever, sorry, get over it.

Junior Senior - Itch U Can't Skratch



Turn up the heat in your house and make yourself a margarita.
The next Sunday Slutty Sunday will be this Sunday, April 17th, at 10pm sharp! See sidebar for details.

Pray and you will pull through, suck a dick will help you

Ariel Pink was brought to my attention by my friend Erin Rush (of hey willpower), who stayed at his house or something when she was in L.A. She says he's a genius and after hearing his album, Haunted Graffiti, I'd say that I like totally really agree with her. Describing him is futile. You just need to experience him for yourself in any capacity that you can handle. My idea would be to watch the video for "For Kate I Wait", his ode to Kate Bush, by clicking these magical words right here. (via Paw Tracks)

Click click to watch the "Galang" video at RUBEN.FM--

If you don't know M.I.A. by now, what kind of retarded hole in ozone layer are you living under? Every music blog has posted about her for like, centuries and eternities. She's hot. She's playing at The Independent @ Hayes & Divisadero on Wednesday, March 16th. Says flavorpill, "Despite never being widely (or officially) released, last year's M.I.A./Diplo Piracy Funds Terrorism, Vol. 1 mixtape finished 23rd in the annual Village Voice Pazz & Jop poll. Philly-based DJ Diplo (half of cut-and-waste duo Hollertronix) underscores vocals from the Sri Lankan-born M.I.A. with beats from the Clipse, Missy Elliott, and Jay-Z, resulting in a gangly blur of limbs, torsos, and booty shakes. With her war-torn rhymes, strangely alluring voice, and impending debut album, Arular, M.I.A. is poised for a monstrous 2005. Be there first. (YS)

I'll talk some jive like you never heard! Right on!

Noisepop 2005 is around. I'll be with my boyfriends, The Mall at their show with Hot Hot Heat and Louis XIV on Wednesday the 23rd. If I come at you like a whirling dirvish, all fists and elbows- don't be alarmed. You just aren't rocking out with your cock out quite suitably enough. 'Kay?

The Guardian thinks Joanna Newsom is a femmy god woman. Sooner or later I might be forced to buy into this poppycock.

It's a heart that you made, and I won't rest until I break it.

XIU XIU - I LUV THE VALLEY, OH!

This weekend I may get the opportunity to sit down, swallow some pills, open a bottle of champagne and talk to Jamie Stewart (Xiu Xiu, 7 Year Rabbit Cycle, Ten in the Swear Jar) face to face. If I think about it too much, I'm in real danger of creaming myself. Hear the radio program on West ADD pirate Radio. Sunday, 4pm to 6pm, Suicide Mixtape with Marco Vega on 93.7fm. Click here to listen online.

Homegirl's (finally) hosting SNL. That's hot.

How much would it suck to be Mischa Barton's much more unattractive sister? I'd kill myself.

What the fuck does Roger Ebert have against STAR Magazine readers? Vincent Gallo Vincent Shmallo.

Kate Moss's friends are WAY CONCERNED, everyone. These "friends" do NOT include Karl Lagerfeld. (via golden fiddle)

So what if your village was destroyed? Cry me a tsunami, why don't you? (via geisha)

Ashlee Simpson: Don't Hate! by The Guardian's Jimmy Draper.

Also on newsstands, NECK FACE sure gets a lot of attention for being just like everyone else in this bro'd out town.

Tonight is the FAMILY STYLE Jamboree #3 at 21st & Florida. This issue celebrates the beauty and the beast of ERIN RUCH, and features the work of:Beth Bouffard, Erin Ruch, Francois Paultre, Jonas Madden-Connor, Antonio Roman-Alcala, Pablo Roman-Alcala, Gabe Ramos, Nicole Bennet, Jenny Dickow, & Sarah Gion.
It's only $1 and it fucking rules, alright?

Also, if you're in Los Angeles this weekend, you oughtta be partying with Har Mar. Here's a repost:
Hey Everyone-
I turn 27 on Sunday, February 6. If you're in LA this weekend come to my b-day parties. The first installment is at 1650 (Shraeder south of Hollywood Blvd) on Saturday night. It's a Tsunami Relief Benefit that Beck and I are playing. I'm on at 9, and he's on at 10. Sharp. If you didn't notice the benefit part don't be surprised that there isn't a guest list. It'll be fun though. His new songs are awesome, and you can help a good cause.

Party .2: The Official One. After all the Super Bowl parties are done on Sunday come get wasted with me at Malo. It's the tequila bar next to Solutions in Silver Lake where Fountain meets Sunset. A bunch of us are going there at 8:00 to eat dinner, and then sticking around to get Tijuana drunk. Show up whenever... early if you want food. It should be fun. We'll see where the night takes us from there.

Tell everyone. No presents please. They make me really uncomfortable. Rock out.

Sean Na Har Mar

Falls under the spell of a woman from Hell

PARIS HILTON - SCREWED (REMIX)



You might remember the earth-shattering, globally catastrophic feud that Paris Hilton and Haylie Duff endured over the rights to this (pretty annoying) pop song. While Duff emerged the victor in the legal battle, her label dropped her shortly thereafter (possibly, out of Ashlee-phobia). This secured Paris the rights to the song by default, or so one might think. Turns out, Haylie's still clinging to it desperately in a Gollum-like way, and starring in what appears to be a Hilton sisters slap-in-the-face showcase. The song is more or less terrible Disney club pop of the Aaron Carter species, but it's an internet-available b-list dance remix worth having for at least novelty's sake, if for no other reason. Hilton's album, Paris is Burning is currently scheduled for release in February on Heiress Records, which seems not to have been picked up by any distributors yet...

On a more serious note, the San Francisco Bay Guardian reports that at least 15,475 civilians have been killed since the U.S. began their invasion in Iraq.

Debbie Gibson goes from Beauty and the Beast to huss-pot extraordinaire, puts Tiffany's money where her effing mouth is.

Leonardo DiCaprio may finally get that Oscar he's so obviously obsessed with, but hopefully he'll lose and we can all watch him have a meltdown. Boring Boring Boring.

B2K broke up! A couple of preteens might cry about it, somewhere.

Stockard Channing tries desperately to BE Tracey Gold.

Ted Turner compares FOX News Network to the Hitler regime in an overtly aggressive yet eerily appropriate analogy. Come on, Ted. Why would you ever come to a conclusion like that?

kept us awake with wolves teeth, sharing different heartbeats

THE KNIFE - HEARTBEATS


My friend Lauren Devine introduced me to Sweden's The Knife, like, freaking out because this pretty much sounds how I would imagine Lauren to sound if you could turn a crank, pull the top of her head off, and listen to her like a freaky music box. It's a little bit cheesy, a litty bit synthy, slightly European, and a little bit goth. The song's catchy, too. In other news,

Emphysema still sucks a lot.

Sundance fires the babysitter, and grows the fuck up.

George Clooney can suck my cock? George Clooney can eat my shit? Fill in your own blanks.

Paris Hilton is such a smartie-pants. And her album drops next month. Excited?

Tatiana Thumbtzen opens her lying, dancing, whoring mouth in a new tell-all.

Someone I know BETTER BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF AMERICA'S NEXT TOP MODEL. My choice:


And Bill Cosby's a creepy molester, to no one's surprise at all.

I'm not your cable on demand

HEY WILLPOWER - HUNDREDAIRE

The first mp3, ever to be posted on this rag is by hey willpower.
I've chosen to do this not just because they're my friends, nor because I support them blindly in everything, but because this song was, for many, an important anthem in 2004 (yet previously undocumented by all of your favorite music blogs --see sidebar).
One of the dozens of soul-crushingly radical music acts coming out of today's San Francisco, hey willpower tours sporadically with Le Tigre, and is leaving tonight to stage-fluff The Scissor Sisters. Too hot.

Oliver Willis posted this screamingly typical FOX news segment. Watch it in disbelief of your own belief! (Thanks Phil)

And that fucking Geraldo Rivera beats everyone to the punch.

Also, today is SFMOMA's Community Day - the 10th Anniversary Celebration. The bay area's largest modern art collection has been in the Botta building on 3rd street since January o' 95. If you run down there, you can get in free and catch some performance art and interactive, hands-on type of shit. It's also a free chance to check out the 2004 SECA award exhibition. Do it, loser.